turtle man.

today i got to thinking about

my favorite turtle man patient.

he was the sweetest old man. ever since i started working there five years ago

whenever he came into the office he had the biggest smile on his face

which is unusual since most people hate the doctors office. and he knew my name.

he loved us enough to invite the whole office to his ninetieth birthday party at his families house.

he was kind, active as in falling off the latter at 89 years old in trying to clean his gutters

and wise very "with it""

  i never got to ask him anything in particular before he passed away a few months ago.

i wish i had.

his obituary said that he was a world war II vet.

to live through that. what a life, what a story!

i wish i had the thought then to sit with him, with a pot of coffee and just listen.

but i was too busy with paperwork, school and everything to just...

 

 

 

when i should, we all should...

 

.... a little more.



disconnect

last night i disconnected from certain social websites.

the only two besides blogger i used, facebook and instagram.

they both give off this false sense of community.

you could be friend on one of them, and then, if you ran into them out and about

they wouldnt say anything, just hurry by.

then i would be tempted to look at pages, i knew i shouldnt, of people i know are toxic and they would change my mood for the day.

i dont need things like that.

it will be hard but im going to do it.

especially at this time of year its a good time to reflect.

so thats what im doing by disconnecting from facebook and instagram, and will be focusing on this...

in the mean time, I'm busy busy finishing classes for this semester,

registering for next, and planning my moms surprise 50th birthday party happening this Saturday.

she has NO IDEA! i cant wait to see her face!

ya she's pretty awesome!

<3

picking and choosing

i have been pondering which classes i should take this next semester.

usually i opt for two classes with my full time work schedule.

but i think this semester i will do three and be socially mia?

i was calculating how many more semester i have just till i get my AA if i take only 6 units a semester.

7.

seven more semesters! if i take two semesters a year then that's three and half years about.

sometimes i kick myself for delaying right after high school, and starting full time work, because i wanted a break from school, instead of staying home, working part time and finishing school sooner. then i could have a forever break from school sooner.

now, if i take that route i will be almost 28.

and I'm sure when I'm that age i will have other things taking up my time.

i have to say i am a little frustrated with myself. 

so that's what I'm doing this morning over this cup of coffee.

i forgot i have one more birthday celebration. i admit i may be a little spoiled when i comes to my birthday this year.

I'm not complaining. i love every bit of it!

tonight my lovely co-workers are taking me to a new line dancing saloon place called The Ranch in Anaheim. (they call the dance side a saloon, i love it!)

none of them have gone line dancing before but they know its like my bread and water so they wanted to take me, how sweet is that?

i have only heard great things about this place, the food is delish, and its gorgeous inside.

so tonight i will be teaching a bunch of my second madres a step or two.

yeehaw!

nobody likes you when you're twenty three

as my birthday festivities are speeding ahead

i cant help but think about the past year.

so much has changed.

when i was turning 23, where i thought i would be now, and where i actually am now.

then, i thought i would be living the married life.

a different job, with this one best friend.

but things change,

i was saying this year was terrible and am so ready for it to be over.

but then a real friend reminded me of the some of the great things that had happened in the past year also.

its a learning process. its life.

**

i grew closer to some great friends. who have been there for me through the waves, and the laughs.

i stayed with my same job, while with every job there usually are some dislikes, but now i feel i have taken big steps and have moved up so i feel more valuable.

i met this little bundle of joy, my nieceypoo oaklynn

i now have this, and its not a high maintenance job, which is a lesson in itself.

i am so grateful for my parents, who with open arms accepted me and poopers back in their home.

and most importantly,

i found myself again, who had been tucked away for a while.

{yes, i was mulan for Halloween}

Howdy, 24...

whats in the cards this year?

as the dictionary says:

e·piph·a·ny

noun, plural -nies.

1.

a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience.

2.

a literary work or section of a work presenting, usually symbolically, such a moment of revelation and insight.

 

when i searched epiphany

 

i had one last night. everything came at me. BAM. like i could finally see the light of the situation.

i was able to let go, and move on.

my eyes are wide open to what could be.

that what i was in was a not a healthy mind set, thinking all that drama was supposed to be that way.

and i know now.

thanks to my epiphany.

give me an amen!

happy happy friday!

what on your to do list this weekend?

i get to figure out this printer my brother brought home from his job site, that has no disk.

and put the donated lap top my work gave me together!

im so blessed.

plus some coffee, boot poppin', and family time!

 

i really needed this reminder.

so worth watching.

hope this reminds you to be loving towards everyone..

not just the people who may be pretty on the outside,

 dispite their past, or present,

because thats what Jesus would do.

definately has me re-thinking the way i'm feeling towards my sistuation at this particular moment.

love and heal?

this is a little deep

-er than most of my posts. if you hadn't noticed a few of my posts recently have been kind of depressing.

i figured id get it off my chest and move on...or try to.

when i was a sophomore in high school i met this boy "my sunshine" i called him.

we didnt actually become official until after high school.

we were so in love. 6 months into our relationship.

he got down on one knee with a pearly ring in big bear

i said yes, cried called my friends and familia.

i bought a dress..and it sat in my parents closet for years.

2 years later we moved in with each other.

i was in heaven.

not knowing he was not.

i was not the betty crocker lady he thought wifey should be.

ya i liked cooking, but he needed to do some stuff too. equalize people.

along with some other things.

well he wasn't used to that, arguments started.

3 months after living with each other, he left.

i was heart broken, although i covered it with anger.

i was so angry. i had never been that pissed off in my entire life.

i never thought id say such hurtful things to anyone in my life, but i did.

a month later he got a new girlfriend, to realize that she wasn't me, and he wanted me back.

of course he came crawling saying he'd do anything to make me happy to make our lives work together.

im such a push over. but it was the words i had wanted to hear so bad. even though i was so hurt.

things started ok. we talked alot. something our relationship lacked at times.

i thought things were different. i eventually let most of my guards down.

we did have our moments when the conversations weren't as easy as he thought,

i think he thought i would forget that he left me, after he said he never would. i didn't.

im not good with the whole forgive and forget thing..

so last week, i found a face book under another name he used

(in high school he found out he had another name long story)

and the only friends he had was his ex gf whom he still talked to and even hid from me at one time.

i was ticked. i confronted him.

apparently random people make fb's for people for no reason? cause he denied even knowing about it.

1 night of not hearing from him all..and the next he invited me to meet him for Chinese food.

at my favorite Chinese food place, mind you.

he was done. he gave up, like he said he never would.

so here i am, hurt, again.

i still had it somewhere in me despite everything to fight for him. with everything i had.

im hurt, defeated, exhausted, upset that i let him in again

and scared to get out in the world alone.

for the past 7 years i had him to lean on.

i am focusing my efforts now of ways to better myself,

to be a better friend, sibling, and daughter.

I know God wont give you anything you cant handle.

everything happens for reason.

i love all of my girls and family for being there for me during these times.

i dont know how i would get through all this without them.

also to my fellow bloggers,

reading your blogs everyday reminds me, that there are people out there

who have gone through difficult things and can get through them.

thank you all so much!



one day i will...

lady antebellum is amazing.

not to mention this song.. is speaking right to my heart.

right now its hard to see..but i know it will come.

at least we know we tried.

im a believer that everything happens for a reason.

God must have better plans for us.

PS: I'm sorry my recent posts have been a little debby downer, but that's life and that's how i'm feelin' 



how do you know..

which road to take?

..

..

..

Ive been contemplating this simple yet so complicated question for the past 4 months.

I'm standing at the fork.

the wind is pushing me side to side

the clock is ticking and i need to make a decision

its even haunting my dreams.

ugh. so many decisions.

so many if buts and thens and goodbyes.

or

then there's a whole other list of possibilities.

we shall see Gunther, we shall see.

tah tah to 2011

2o11 you were not very friendly to me..

i am glad you are over and looking for a fresh new start to 2o12.

this will be a good year...i can feel it in my bones. 

my new years resolutions:

1. stop biting my nails.

2. stop that awful social habit i do on occasion

3. eat healthier

4. be true to my heart and stop worrying about what others may think

5. be more adventurous

lets hope these are kept..at least past February. :)

a few pictures from last nights festivities..
our plans were to go out on the town but things changed when someone lost their wallet
we improvised.

bon fire

drinking games

and besties

So here's to 2012...please be sweet to me!

thank you.



things i hate:

drama queens

fish (alive not dead, they're pretty tasty grilled)

disrespect

a wet counter top

traffic

rap music

cold cookies

clowns